Image via WikipediaSATIRE — LakerFan: Thanks for reading, I bleed gold and purple and I'm going to tell you why LA is destined to lift title No. 17 next summer, and why the Hater is completely off his rocker.
LakerHater: Hello, fellow haters, I, for one, would like to see anybody but LA win next year, but I have plenty of reasons to think the 2010 Lakers' title team will be their last and there will be no dynasty. These are my reasons why.
Lakerfan: Well, first of all, as every Laker fan knows, Phil Jackson has won 11 titles and if he wins again this year it will be his fourth three-peat. Every title he has is part of a trio. He's never won two without winning a third, so that makes the Lakers a lock to win next year.
LakerHater: Well, not exactly. This year, Jackson has advanced to the finals for three straight years for the fourth time in his career. In the past, he won all three. But, this time he made it three straight years (2008, 2009, and 2010) and won two. For this team to three-peat, he'd need to get to the finals FOUR straight years, which Jackson has never done. In fact, the last time a team advanced to the finals four straight years was...oh, the Lakers in 1985.
Lakerfan: Well, that's not true. The Thunder still have no experience and the Trailblazers are NEVER healthy, so I fail to see how they are a threat. Plus, the Lakers added defensive ace Matt Barnes, center Theo Ratliff, and point guard Steve Blake. I'd hardly call that staying pat.
LakerHater: Matt is a decent defender, but he can't hit the broad side of a Barnes. He averaged five ppg on 37 percent shooting against the Celtics in the playoffs and the Magic management was more than happy to get rid of him. Steve Blake averages seven points and five assists a game, and he'll need to since the man he guards will drive around him like he's a driving school cone. The only thing Ratliff can guard at his age is his social security.
Lakerfan: That was a cheap shot. Ratliff is a career 2.2 bpg man with playoff experience in the finals in 2001. He will be a great addition for this team.
LakerHater: Ratliff played 28 games last year for the Bobcats. When Dwight Howard was killing them in the playoffs, he averaged an eye-popping two points and no blocks. Hey, give me $825,000 and I would've given you two points a game.
Lakerfan: But you have to admit, with him, Odom, Gasol, and Bynum, we have a formidable frontline and that is why we will win next year. Odom, Bynum, Gasol, and Ratliff are the highest scoring quartet of bigs in the league, my friend. They combine to average 44.1 ppg, five bpg, and 32.6 rpg. No frontcourt in the league is that dominant and as we know, titles are won in the froncourt.
Lakersfan: The Heat!!!??? Yeah right. They are going to have a hard enough time competing against each other for shots. Kobe can't wait to light up that faux title contender. When he beats a team with Wade, LeBron, and Bosh, there should be no further discussion on who is the best player of this era.
LakerHater: You're wrong, my friend. They will be the team to take down LA in the finals. It's going to be a nightmare to guard this club. Maybe that's why Lakers fans are hoping that their chemistry doesn't work, or they get injured, or their egos get in the way, because you know that the only one that can beat Miami is Miami.
Lakersfan: Our guys are tested. We know how to win against that overrated team. Watch how we shut them down on Christmas Day. They have LeBron, Wade, and Bosh, but their point guard is a joke and they have no center. I think LA's bigs will be frothing at the mouth to play these guys. Barnes can handle Wade, Artest will take LeBron, and Pau has Bosh. Nothing to worry about.
LakersHater: Firstly, their point guard situation is not that bad. Remember when Rajon Rondo was paired with the big three in Boston. Everybody doubted that he would be able to develop his game enough to win a title with the Celtics and his numbers were similar then to those of Mario Chalmers' now. Last season, Chalmers averaged 10.8 points and 2.6 assists, plus his defense was pretty solid. Before playing with the big three, Rondo averaged 6.4 points and 5.2 assists. So it's not like Rondo came in as a can't miss point guard. Playing with the big three will help Chalmers' game automatically.
LakerHater: Barnes "held" Wade to only 26.5 ppg in the season series, while Artest "limited" LeBron to only 33. How did Bosh do against Gasol during the season series? He averaged 20 ppg and seven rpg, while Pau averaged 19.5 ppg and nine rpg. So their numbers were even, even when Bosh was his team's primary offensive threat. What happens now that he's the third option? Also, I like Joel Anthony as the Heat's starting big man. Sure he's undersized, but he had the league's highest blocks-per-minutes played average in the league.
LakerHater: Well, once he gets a chance to play, he comes through. When he played against Howard last season in a win at Orlando he scored six points and had three blocks while holding Howard to 12 points and no blocks. I would call that success in the post.
Lakersfan: The point is: LA will be too motivated not to win next year. Kobe wants to tie MJ in titles won and solidify his legacy as the greatest Laker ever, Jackson wants to surpass Bill Russell in titles won, and the West looks completely unable to challenge their run.
LakerHater: I don't doubt that.
Lakerfan: Let's just agree that they MUST be the favorites until the rest of the league proves capable of beating them in a series, not just a regular season game, but 4 of 7 times in the Spring. Agreed?
LakerHater: (shrugs): Agreed.
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